Friday, August 29, 2008

McCain Tries To Fail (And Will Almost Certainly Succeed in Failing)

What? Some beauty queen from Alaska? What the hell was McCain thinking? I mean, I've made no secret of the fact that I would rather be skinned alive and thrown into a pool of sulfuric acid than live through a third Republican term, but this seems like it is positively designed to fail. Let's look at just three of the reasons this is a horrible, horrible choice.

(1) Ted Stevens. "Alaska" and "indictment" have gone hand in hand for the last few weeks since the senior Senator from Alaska was charged with accepting bribes. Somehow, the bastard managed to get himself reelected anyway (probably because he famously brings a great deal of federal money to his state; anyone still remember the "bridge to nowhere?"), but the first thing on many voter's minds when they hear this will be corruption charges.

(2) Beauty Queen. Remember McCain's address to the Harley Davidson convention? The one where he suggested his wife participate in the Ms. Buffalo Chip beauty pageant? You know, the pageant that is regularly topless and often bottomless? That is some good, wholesome family entertainment right there. The simulated 69 is good, but I think my favorite part is the contestant who eats a banana. I think McCain needs to steer clear of pageantry for a while.

(3) Rank Amateur. This is the most important problem. Who the hell is this person? Governor of BFE, that's who. No experience, no credentials. All jokes about his age aside, McCain will already be bucking the average human lifespan when he enters office, so the possibility that he will die while President is very real. I said some time ago that if he ran, I would be watching his VP choice very closely, and this was not the right decision. Palin can't lead a nation; she's never even held a federal position. Up against a political powerhouse like Joe Biden, Palin looks like a preschooler with a lollypop. This is a joke.

So, once again, I'm calling this one for Obama, and I'm more sure of it than ever. No amount of media exposure will make me comfortable with Palin's lack of experience, and I think that's true for swing voters in both parties. What the hell is wrong with you, John?

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